A Love That Hides the Pain

Eternal and infinite glory, thanks, honor and praise be to our God the Father Ahnsahnghong and God the Mother for Their boundless love.

My dad passed away when I was in primary school. From that time on, my mom had to take care of our whole family all by herself. She got a job to move trash bags to the place where the garbage truck came to pick them up. When people took out their trash and put it in front of their houses, my mom moved them to a cart. To feed and raise her three children, she went to work whether it rained or snowed.
She went to work from early in the evening and continued until the early morning. Whenever she came home, she reeked a foul stench. What I hated more than the foul smell was to meet my mom by change while I was with my friends. Whenever that happened, I felt embarrassed; it felt like the most embarrassing thing in the world. If I saw my mom from a distance first, I grabbed my friends’ arms and went in a different direction, and sometimes even though I saw her, I just pretended that I didn’t see her. One day, my mom didn’t go to work. I thought it was strange because she had never missed a day of work before. I always had to prepare dinner for my brothers. But that day, I was happy because my mom prepared dinner for us. While she was preparing dinner, I enjoyed my free time. When dinner was ready, we all gathered around the table, but my mom said she didn’t feel like eating and just went into the bedroom.
That night, while sleeping by my mom, a strange sound woke me up. I looked at my mom, and noticed that her face was covered in sweat.
“Mom! Mom!”
I was surprised, so I woke up my mom.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” I asked her.
“Mom! Are you sick?” I asked her.
“Have I ever been sick? I am not sick at all. Come on now, go back to sleep. You have school tomorrow.”
She looked very sick, but she was lying to me.
The next day, she went to work, saying she was feeling okay. After she left for work, there was a silence in the house for a while. Then I saw a pharmacy bag by my mom’s blanket. I didn’t know that it was medicine for her kidneys until I got older. When I was younger, I thought that my mom was as strong as iron. I regret saying to my mom that she smelled bad or that I was ashamed of her when I was the immature child. How much worse the smell must have been for her while she was taking out the garbage bags, and how much more must her body have ached from the hard labor? Now I can fathom the heart of my mom who had to pretend to be strong in order to hide her weakness from her children.
To save these sinful children, Heavenly Mother is living a painful life, not showing Her sickness even though She is sick. I have taken for granted the love which was made through Mother’s pain and stabbed Her in the heart with my selfish thoughts and acts.
Mother, please for give me, a sinner, who is so slow to understand Your love and sufferings. I will repay You for Your love and grace little by little by loving my brothers and sisters until I go back to heaven. Thank you Father Christ Ahnsahnghong and God the Mother.

M-H Jeong from Gumi, Korea